I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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