Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
