so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
