i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize