So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
