my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
