i would punch a child for taco bell
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
