And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
