The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
