so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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