I'm so fucking centered right now
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
