oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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