On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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