went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This is the high leading the old right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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