The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
