Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
