The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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