Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
