So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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