the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
