I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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