I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
