Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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