be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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