Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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