remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
