jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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