My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
