i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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