If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
