she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
