fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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