Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
