Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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