Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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