Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
