My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
