): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
