I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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