I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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