If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
