How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
