he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
