Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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