Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
