SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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