I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
