its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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