P.S. I can't hear my feet
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
