He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
