I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
