Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
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its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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