Ketchup is God's man juice
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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