Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
