I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
