the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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