i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
