when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Small penises have feelings too.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
