Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am puke
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
