when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
