I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
false alarm. still invincible.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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