Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
