i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I could make wine with my vomit
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
