They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
