Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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