Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize