yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He better not be in your backpack
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
