he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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