is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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